gee. i guess i wasn't inspired by last entry's parting question. actually, it's just that i've been reading alot, getting caught up in books and wanting to finish them before going to bed. within the last week, i've read Tanya Huff's _Summon the Keeper_ [frivolous and occasionally annoying, but very fun... i'm in the middle of the sequel now, and it took much willpower to be writing this instead], re-read Steven Brust's _The Phoenix Guards_ [wonderful tribute to Dumas and his ilk, and wonderful in its own right, too], and read Johanna Lindsey's _The Heir_ [at points enjoyable, but overall rather disappointing. makes you really wish you were reading Georgette Heyer instead]. finishing three books in a week is really quite good for me these days. sad, but true.
oh dear. i really don't want to talk about politics tonight. i'm sorry. i just don't. perhaps i'll tackle it spontaneously instead. though not trying to at least briefly resolve the parting question of the previous entry is not a good precedent to set. for now, sufficieth to say that freshman year of high school, i discovered politics. before that, i really had no idea what politics really was. i knew it had something to do with the news. and because my 8th grade social studies teacher was fabulous, i knew some of the parts surrounding the Gulf War. but i didn't really understand that there were *sides*... until 9th grade. in civics class we took little tests to determine if we were liberals or conservatives. when i read the questions, i couldn't believe that there were people who would answer the other way. it still amazes [and scares] me how many people did. i was so left i was practically in "radical" range on the little scale. and in speech class, debating irritating upperclass jock and cheerleader types who were so very conservative just made me all the more aware of why i just didn't care about most of the stupid popular-or-not middle school scene. i wasn't like them. and i realized, thank fucking god.
in other words, i was a bitchy, self-righteous, rebellious, elitist, bleeding-heart liberal. and i honestly think it was very healthy for me. and i'm *proud* of that old self. she did good, she stood up for what she believed in, she had steely arguments in the hallways, and she cared *so* *much*.
and i'm still sort of that person. i've just calmed down some. and so did some of the people who i had those steely arguments with, which is partially why i can't bring myself to be as down on religion as i was in high school. i mean, i think religion is kind of cool, and in some ways i always did. but more the theoretical nature. not the practical kind of religion, and particularly not the practical kind of Christianity i was surrounded with, being in the incredibly Lutheran state of Minnesota and all. that just seemed terrible then. i hated it when people tried to quote the bible at me to try to make a political point. someone once told me he didn't have a stance on flag-burning [guess which side i'm on] because his pastor had never said anything about it. and during middle school, i lost one of my best friends to religion. the North Heights Lutheran Church [which also happens to be the ugliest church in existance. it's huge and modern-boring, and they light it up at night, and it's so, so, ugly. a blight on the landscape. around my senior year the plot next to them became the grounds for an adorable little Ukranian Orthodox church, complete with minarets. the contrast was *very* amusing... and telling, i think], to be exact. and i was at that time finding out about the atrocities that had been committed in the name of Christ [poor man], and it, well, it got me down, y'know? but since then, i've met lots of nice Christians, and some really great, interesting Christians, and really... i think religion [including Christianity] can be a force for good in people's lives. obviously, it can also be terrible, but i can see where it is so clearly good for some individuals... and honestly, i think that religion can be very beautiful, in the deepest possible way. some of the most beautiful, amazing pieces of music were sacred. are sacred.
my father is trying to become a Buddhist -- the most scientific, thoughtful, enlightened kind. i think that's so cool.
er. but anyway. sometimes i look at the world now, and it all seems so futile. even when i'm not feeling so pessimistic, i can't find that concrete something that is my thing to do for the world. i just... can't find it.
pathetic.
i think i need to stop now.
parting question, what is the interaction between real and imagined distance in a relationship?
in case you're wondering about the title of this entry, Chad's out of town again this weekend, NPCing at Mythical Journeys.