i wonder if it's possible to manufacture lust. i think it might be. you know, deliberately considering a person's physicality in a way that would allow you to notice the attractive things about it. i think this may not be a bad thing. a little strange, perhaps, but not bad. i wonder how it holds up in the long term -- that is, what happens when the curiosity that prompts you to speculate about how it would feel to be with the person is satisfied? can you still lust after them, or do you get bored? i'm rather afraid i'm the sort of person who is likely to get bored. it worries me. sustaining long-term fulfilled lust seems to be quite a difficult proposition. literature would have it that if you find the right person, it should happen naturally, but i am unconvinced that's really how it works. the "find the right person" theory has never really rung true for me. it always reminds me forcibly of the fact that fairy tales are cool because they are not real life, and make no pretense of being so. "one true love" is definitely a fairy tale concept.
wow, suddenly i feel extremely exhausted. i have an immense desire to close my eyes, turn my head to the side and rest it on the back of the armchair, and drift off, only i know that i would wake uncomfortable and unrested, having lost this entry on this poor overheated little laptop.
so, goodnight.