i would like to point out that when i say 4/28/01 that more often means 3 AM on 4/29/01, but tend to note the date as 4/28/01 instead because it's really still that evening for me. quite frankly, it's evening until either one sleeps or the day is truly so far along that you can't deny its existence any longer. i find for me that that sometimes comes around sunrise, more occasionally around noon, and a few times once i realized that the entire day had passed and i was back at evening.
anyway, i have had a fabulous day. i went to a lovely party, saw _Mansfield Park_, twice, and got an email from an old friend i hadn't head from in quite a number of months.
to deal in order, the lovely party was at The Domain, where some friends and friendly acquaintences of mine live. pre-party, we had a rather peculiar Casablanca GM meeting which was nice, but still left much unresolved, and then many people descended upon the place and we played games of varying types, and i saw many people i hadn't seen for awhile and was delighted to see, and some of them were even delighted to see me in return. i regret that there was one who left before i had the chance to really talk to him... i think i should arrange to meet with him separately sometime because i really do miss him... nevertheless, it was a fantabulous party. low-key but not boring, perfection.
i should note up front that i have not read Mansfield Park, though i now think i really should, if only to try to figure out what was really in the damn book and what wasn't. and i knew very clearly that she took things from other Austen sources, and took quite number of liberties. as such, i was determined to try to see and appreciate the movie for what it is, not what it could have been or should have been. i should not have read all of those reviews, as they made me hypersensitive to some things, but nevertheless, i think i maintained reasonable perspective. i quite liked the film. it was very well done, the acting superb and very subtle, and it had a graceful artistry and flow about it that i quite appreciated. the whole slavery thing was overemphasized, but sometimes, if someone is intent on making a point... and i don't feel it harmed the rest of the film, so... it was, though, clearly the work of a very opinionated women who had firm philosophies about period films and how to make one. but hey, better that than something bland. and the controversies *did* make people think -- or at least yell (figuratively... in most cases) at each other and the director.plus, the DVD had a very fine audio commentary by the director and "adaptor", Patricia Rozema -- which is why i ended up watching the film twice. she was extremely articulate, and hearing why and how she made her decisions was fascinating, as they were somewhat unconventional for an Austen adaptation.
to end a rather strange, but rather wonderful as well, day, i just got
an email invite to a recital involving a friend of mind who is at NYU
getting his Masters in composition. and i really want to go. unfortunately,
it's in 13 and a half hours! and i just can't blow $60 or whatever to take
the bloody train down to NY on a moment's notice... can i?
i think i should just stop trying to answer the parting questions. it would make my life easier. but, alas, that seems so frivolous and irresponsible! an yet... it is almost 4 AM... and i have too much to say about distance, both real and imagined, in relationships.
oh, fuck it. here goes. i fell in love for the first time 4 days before leaving for college. fell, really, really hard. and for nearly a year conducted an open, long-distance relationship. but when i came home for summer vacation, it became clear that, even though we were in the same state, we still never really saw each other. we had grown so used to being apart that the effort it took to traverse Minneapolis was just too much. our real distance had slowly evolved into imagined distance. hmm, i think i should pick different words. try this on: our physical distance had slowly evolved into mental distance. there, more clear, i think.
now take the current-ish situation. sometimes, when one of us goes out of town or whatever without the other, it seems natural and i don't think about it much... that distance doesn't really register on any mental sort of scale, even though we're physically apart. other times... i miss him. but in a quiet, sturdy way. because i know that we will be together shortly. it is not at all like the torturousness that occasionally wracked me during my freshman year of college. not that that happened all the time by any means... just... occasionally. but occasionally was more than enough
now, don't get me wrong, in many ways, i loved the torturousness, the drama inherent in the situation. but it was still hellish.
and, of course, there's the cliched but still true fact that often someone sitting right next to you is someone who is mentally so distant,,,
okay, bloody exhausted, need to at least have a hope of rising for Monday's 9 AM orthosurgeon meeting i scheduled on friday because i swear there's a pointy thing in my lower left socket that really feels like a piece of a tooth to me, and i thought i should have Mr. Ortho-surgeon-Man take a look, just in case something truly went wrong. it doesn't hurt or anything, its just a little peculiar. hmm. teeth appear to have become a theme of this journal.
okay, dozing off with computer on lap, bad. sleeping now.