so i had two auditions tonight, and i am so sad, so sad.
the first audition [with, let's call it Chorus 1] actually went reasonably well. definitely not perfectly -- i stumbled on a couple of the words to my piece, all because i did not have it memorized quite as automatically as i knew i really should have. the problem is that i was also really worried about reaching my peak with this song already... which, as i will discuss when talking about the second audition later, turned out to be a very legitimate worry. anyway, i also had trouble with one of three of the sing-back phrases, did not sight-read perfectly, and was probably a little shaky at the very beginning from nerves. however, once i got past the beginning, i think my voice sounded lovely, and the piece went very well, smooth and lyrical and beautiful, as it should be. and the other 2 of the 3 sing-back phrases i nailed right on. and the sight-reading piece was really pretty hard, and i kept up with it reasonably well. i did not lose my place. so, i am happy with the first audition. i even sort of enjoyed myself. i liked the conductor-man, too. i don't understand why a different friend of mine who auditioned for him last year came away really disliking him. i guess he's sort of brusque, perhaps, but it really doesn't bother me, and he was quite nice to me. and he didn't actually reject me on the spot! he said, they already had too many sopranos, and there were still more auditions this week to come, so he couldn't tell me either way if i got in. the thing is, though, i think i must have done pretty well, because if he had not liked me at all i'm sure he would have just told me that i did not get in. it would have been easy for him to do so. so now, even if i don't get in [which i think is likely... it really is annoying, being a soprano, sometimes] i'll be happy with my experience with them, because i think the audition really did go reasonably well, despite imperfection, so i can be proud of myself. and i'm definitely going to go see their concerts if i don't get it, because their season sounds damned interesting.
but the second audition [with, we'll call it Chorus 2, duh]... well, let's just say it went poorly. i participated in their rehearsal [even though i was about 10 minutes late because i was coming straight from the other audition, and then had trouble figuring out what part of the church grounds i was supposed to go to], and found it... mediocre. i just wasn't really enjoying myself. and my voice was not working properly, sort of blaring, and sounding out of sync with the rest of the soprano section [though i have this feeling that part isn't necessarily all my fault]. i also think my voice is just not very well suited the piece they were doing. so, i wasn't really having fun... and the rehearsal gave time for all the tension from the Chorus 1 rehearsal drain out of me. and then after rehearsal there was a long wait before i was able to audition, and my voice is usually pretty unhappy after being worked for awhile and then let pause. and i couldn't work up the correct amount of nervousness/adrenaline/worry/tension/whatever you want to call it again. but really, these are all just excuses. nothing can excuse the fact that i sounded terrible. the rendition of my prepared piece was really quite bad. no line, no joy, no lyricism, no smoothness, incorrect breathing, slightly off tempo. oh, it was bad. one of the worst renditions i've ever done. and i think it's partially because it's getting to the point where i've almost sung it too much, y'know. i think it'll hold for my other two auditions, as long as i properly psych myself up beforehand, but i do have to have the energy. i don't want to do another flaccid, horrible rendition of such a beautiful song ever again. anyway, the conductor man didn't even let me finish the damn song. and he was *condescending*, which is something which tends to really bother me. you can reject someone nicely without being condescending about it. actually, i didn't like him much during rehearsal, either. sort of the high and mighty, look down the nose type. i tried to like him, but in the end i think i could tell this choir wasn't for me. so perhaps it was hard to work up the enthusiasm, and it showed. ah well.
note to self: never schedule two auditions in the same night. at least the order was right... if i had had the horrible audition first, the second one probably would have been bad as well. and i quite preferred Chorus 1 over Chorus 2, especially after not really enjoying the Chorus 2 rehearsal. i'm not saying i'll never audition for Chorus 2 ever again, but well, i guess i'm just not very disappointed... except in myself. the people in Chorus 2 seemed universally to be extremely nice, though, so i'm a bit sorry about that.
anyway, enough about auditions and such. it has been so long since my last entry for essentially two reasons. 1) because work and life have both been pretty damn hectic. and 2) i've been out of town twice in that time period. the first time was to a lovely lovely little wedding in Pennsylvania, for a little over a weekend. the second time was just this past week [sept. 1-9]. i was visiting home in Minnesota, mostly so that my mom would feel better about leaving my youngest brother essentially home alone while my parents are in China for three weeks. [they still are! lucky bastards. seeing the Three Gorges area without me. hmph. if i don't get to see it before it's flooded from the dam-building, it'll be all their fault. okay, maybe i'm exaggerating.] i had great fun the entire trip, saw my wonderful family quite a bit, and lots of friends. the only downer was a big one, though. the whole time, i had been looking forward to the Flash Girls concert at Dreamhaven Saturday night. i also went to Renfest that day, at least a little bit in hopes of seeing their performance there. but -- and this is truly horrible, especially for a guitarist, though i suppose there might be worse things for a guitarist... but probably not many -- Emma Bull shattered her elbow and was in the hospital at the time the Dreamhaven event was supposed to be! i found this out at Renfest, and so did not actually go to the event... feeling very sadly. it's so horrible, both from a purely selfish perspective and from a purely unselfish, sympathetic perspective. i mean... owwww.
oh dear. my stomach has finally unwound enough to tell me that it's really really hungry and that if i don't eat now i will have shooting pains for hours. it sucks, because i have lots more to say about lots of things that have happened in the past couple weeks, but i really really should eat something right now. goodbye.