how is it that i'm such a terrible person? that i'm so bloody awful at staying in touch. how i just can't seem to put in the right amount of effort. and i know there will be deep regret. i'll someday think to look up one of my favorite teachers from high school, or even middle or elementary school, and i'll find out that they'll have died the year before, i just know it. for example, my tenth grade biology teacher, Mr. Tuchscherer (hmm. i think i'm spelling that right...), retired two years ago, and i felt the pain of it, because teaching biology was his love, his joy, his destiny... and the damn early retirement incentives cause fabulous teachers like him to leave before they really want to, because reality sets in far too much. but i had no idea how to get in touch with him, and being in a different state means that the effort necessary to find out is extremely large. i wish i could write to him. if i weren't such a terrible person, i'd figure it out, somehow. but instead, i think of it only seldomly, and don't manage to take action. it's hideous. i wish desperately this part of me were different. that i were better at holding on, keeping in touch. i mean, someone i used to be as close to as to a brother graduated recently in a city that really isn't that far from Boston, and i did not hear about it until after the fact, and even then not in any personal way... and it hurt to realize how far i've drifted.
the highlight of my day was hearing the Replacements being played in a public place. i wonder what this says about me.